YAY! I feel so happy! I just got back my marks for English 387 – Children’s Lit, and I got an A! Hurrah! I feel such a sense of accomplishment because I also got back my marks for my term paper for that class- the one on Harry Potter- and I got and A+, baby! These are the highest marks I’ve ever got for an English class and I feel so proud, like maybe I’m not as stupid and clueless as I thought (Even though its a hard suspicion to shake).
This makes me feel like my life might not be doomed to such mediocrity as I have come to fear. Although I still fear it. Does one ever stop fearing it?
Is it perhaps possible that I could do a master’s degree on Harry Potter and Hitchhiker’s Guide? Is the world just that nice? Could I ever have the opportunity to merge Archaeology and English- finally- and do a dissertation on Arch in popular culture? Somehow I doubt it, but it’s always fun to dream.
I am currently in a phase where I find myself constantly stuck in the dichotomy of belief that maybe I am just good enough to achieve all these things I’ve dreamed of, and the haunting suspision that I’m setting myself up for massive failure and a severe let-down. Sometimes I think that it will be a total snap to just finish off the novels and stories I’ve been working on and ship them off to an agent, but sometimes I also think that I’m am absolutely awful writer and all I’ve been creating all these years is just total shite.
I dunno, I guess I’ve just got to ignore the lows and run with the highs. This is going to be one I’m going to try to run as far with as I can.