Someone I was in the presence of the other day made the off-hand remark that writers use too many metaphors. So, let’s ignore all possible explanations for why I was in the presence of anyone who could possibly drop that aphoristic gem into a normal conversation, and focus on the exact magnitude of the statement made. Too many metaphors? I’m sorry, peach, but metaphors are the spice of life – from the most boring (like that, the ironically bland usage of the word ‘spice’), to those metaphors so complex they can only be described as literary cunnilingus. See? Another metaphor. A saucy one, too. Metaphors… pah! Let’s see how mastubatory we can get with metaphors. Let’s meta the SHIT outta them. You’ve heard of trillions of things being metaphors for a trillion other things. Especially life. Fucking “life”. Everything’s a metaphor for life. But that’s the beauty of language. That’s why some of us get up in the morning. Especially us English majors and artist types.