conversations i have had at work

I actually had this conversation once:

Co-worker: I have a question.

Me: Shoot.

Co-worker: *some inane question about something I wouldn’t even have remembered even if it happened five minutes ago, let alone a year and a half ago*

Me: *simple answer*

Co-worker: Well, that’s not in the instruction manual.

Me: But that’s the answer. Trust me.

Co-worker: But I don’t trust you, it’s not in the instruction manual.

Me: *deep breath* I WROTE the instruction manual. Trust my answer.

Co-worker: BUT IT’S NOT IN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL. WE NEED TO FIND THE ANSWER.

Me: I’m TELLING you the answer.

Co-worker: BUT IT’S NOT IN THE MANUAL.

Me: I WROTE THE MANUAL!

Co-worker: Then why isn’t it in the manual?

The Manual: I Indeed Wrote It

Me: Because it’s a minor detail. I guess I assumed it would be taken as read.

Co-worker: Well, it’s not. It’s not in the manual.

Me: Why can’t I just tell you? We are the only two people who work in here.

Co-worker: *something, something, something, grumble, grumble MANUAL grumble something*

Me: …

Co-worker:  *something, something, something, grumble, grumble MANUAL grumble something… but in a higher voice*

Me: If I wrote this down on paper, would you listen to me then?

Co-worker: Yes.

Me: *grabs a pen and a post-it and writes the answer down* Here.

Co-worker: *satisfied* Thank you.

______

UPDATE/CLARIFICATION (@11.36 pm): In case it wasn’t clear, I actually DID write the manual.

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